


Ease

by jellyquinn



Category: Amazingphil - Fandom, Danisnotonfire - Fandom, Phandom/The Fantastic Foursome (YouTube RPF)
Genre: M/M, Trigger warning: swearing, trigger warning: alcohol abuse, trigger warning: homophobic slur used once, trigger warning: mentioned homophobia
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-11-26
Updated: 2016-11-26
Packaged: 2018-09-02 08:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8659273
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jellyquinn/pseuds/jellyquinn
Summary: "The expression on Dan’s face made Phil stop mid-sentence. He knew he’d messed up, Dan barely looked surprised, he barely looked anything at all but hurt. It was like Phil had only confirmed his suspicions. Dan’s face was so twisted from desperately trying not to sob, he was shaking now, and, of course, still grinning like the little bastard he was.“Dan-,““No,” Said Dan, voice strained and quiet, “leave.”"





	

**Author's Note:**

> TW: homophobic slur used once, mentioned homophobia, swearing.  
> This is an old piece of mine I found on my computer. Sadly, I'm on my way out of the phandom, but I thought this was worth sharing. It's called Ease because it was supposed to be a songfic of the song Ease by Troye Sivan, but it spiraled waaaay off. Enjoy!

“Mum, I’m alright, I promise. Don’t worry about me, enjoy all the quality time you’ve got with Dad now,” Dan said, trying his hardest not to let his voice shake, “I love you to pieces, I would tell you if anything was wrong, trust me.” 

“Oh, alright Daniel, I’ll try to have a good time. I’ve just got empty nest syndrome, that’s all,” Dan’s Mum’s voice sounded through the phone. Dan could almost hear her smile, he had done his job right.

‘Whatever happens, you mustn’t worry Mum,’ his brother’s words echoed in his head, ‘She’s got enough to worry about with Dad’s lungs, make this easy for her.’ 

“I love you, Dan. You’ll always be my baby boy.”

“Well, you’ll always be my favorite mum,” Dan said, triggering a laugh from the phone speaker, “I’ve got to go do some shopping, I’ll call you tomorrow, yeah?”

“Oh, okay sweetie. You’re so grown up already.” She cooed.

“Love you, bye.” He hung up the phone and took a deep breath.

He hunched over the counter, bracing his arms on its cold top and looking down, feeling the emptiness of the apartment, hearing cars pass outside through the brittle walls, smelling the must, tasting the loneliness like blood in his mouth.

It had been a month and three days since Phil had stopped responding. He was all alone in this shitty apartment with no one to talk to, no one to make the fluorescent lighting seem less cold, no one to sit on the couch and watch boring TV with him, no one to squish into the double bed with him and hold him so close that the day would melt away and he would finally relax and, even though they both agreed this wasn’t their final destination, feel at home.

He dialed Phil, his hands now clammy and shaking. It rung once, twice, three times before going to voicemail.

“Uh,” he squeaked, clearing his throat before continuing, “Hey Phil. It’s me, Dan. I’m at my apartment as always,” he took a shaking breath, “And, uh, you could swing by. Or, call back, or maybe just text me or something,” he was on the verge of tears now, “Because I think we should talk this out, and I’m really sorry,” his voice broke as he held back a sob, he swallowed the lump in his throat and continued, “about the things I said, and I really wish you’d just talk to me because I miss you and it’s so empty here,” his voice was coming thick now, tears were starting to slip down his face “I love you, lion. I hope you still love me too,” he paused, almost unable to talk “So, bye, I guess.” His chest pulled as he hung up the phone and started to sob, open and loud and pathetic, because why not? No one who cared would hear him.

He sat down on the floor, back against the kitchen wall, head in hands, phone face down on the floor beside him. He cried for what felt like forever before finally getting up and pulling the large bottle of white wine some relative had gotten him for his house warming off the shelf. He wasn’t really a white wine drinker, or a drinker at all, but not much else was there, so he opened it and took a swig. He sat back down, wine on one side and phone on the other, waiting for a call that would never come.

*

He must’ve fallen asleep there eventually, because he woke up to the sound of his door being opened. He tried to think who had keys to his house, only his parents, cousin, and-

Phil appeared around the corner just as Dan sat up. They locked eyes, Phil’s sadness turning to worry when he saw the empty bottle laying on its side at Dan’s feet.

“I’m so sorry,” Phil said quietly, eyes flicking between the bottle and Dan, “How much did you drink? Where the hell did you get alcohol anyway?”

“Some shady ass uncle gave it to me for house warming, how funny is that? It’s like he didn’t even know I was fucking 18. I just opened it, it wasn’t even very good, probably laced with something from his big white van.” Dan slurred, glancing down at the bottle and kicking it away so the sound of it rolling was the only in the room.

“Shit, Dan” Phil said worriedly, “you can’t do stupid stuff like that.”

“I can’t,” Dan said, chuckling, giving Phil a challenging look like a student sassing a teacher, “what did I just do then?” Dan dissolved into a fit of drunken laughter.

Phil sighed, “Come on, let’s get you to bed, yeah?” Phil moved toward Dan, offering his hand.

“No, you fucking cum rag,” Dan said through his laughter, an edge of anger behind it “you can just fuck off, don’t touch me,” Dan said, still smiling and biting back giggled like he thought the look of confusion on Phil’s face was the funniest thing in the world, “you’re such an actual cunt, you know? Fucking about like this isn’t good for some people. I’ve been alone here Phil,” all traces of laughter were gone now, only bitter smirk remaining “I’ve been alone here for a month,” he said, dragging out the last word “and you never fucking did anything about it. There was one time, I thought you might’ve killed yourself, I cried, Phil. Then I realized you were probably just off with some five dollar whore, that time I cried for hours.” 

“Dan, no. You’re being-,"

“Oh, what am I being this time? Tell me Phil, what the fuck could I have done to upset you?” Dan’s smirk was gone now, his face was blank, and his eyes were hollow “am I still a faggot, Phil? Are you still hiding me from your mummy and daddy so they won’t stop loving their perfect little boy?”

“I never called you that.” Phil said, irritated.

“But you thought it, though”

Phil paused.

“What is so wrong with me? With us? Why are you so terrified, Phil? What’s so scary about me? Am I just Daddy’s little slut? Do you feel guilty?”

“Shut the hell up, Dan, you’re fucking drunk”

“Am I?” he said sarcastically “I would have never fucking guessed.”

“Jesus, Dan, I am so fucking done with you and your attitude. You are so much to put up with sometimes, I swear. You always think I have some other plan. You’re so paranoid that maybe I was just lonely and your thirsty ass decided to stumble on in and I, for some god forsaken reason, decided to use you. Why do you think that? Why have you always thought that?”

Dan’s eyes were brimming with tears but he was smiling cockily. The tears started to slip down his cheeks, but his expression stayed the same.

“Are you going to at least answer me?” Phil shouted, sure they had woken up the neighbors by now anyway. Dan stayed quiet, staring at Phil like an animal that had trotted in, “If I wanted to use someone, why would I choose you?”

Dan just sat.

“I didn’t mean it like that, shit,” Phil said, sweetness flooding back into his voice, “God, you know I love you Dan, let’s just get you-,"

The expression on Dan’s face made Phil stop mid-sentence. He knew he’d messed up, Dan barely looked surprised, he barely looked anything at all but hurt. It was like Phil had only confirmed his suspicions. Dan’s face was so twisted from desperately trying not to sob, he was shaking now, and, of course, still grinning like the little bastard he was. 

“Dan-,"

“No,” Said Dan, voice strained and quiet, “leave.”


End file.
